It happens so fast. I close my eyes and remember learning to ride my red Royce Union bike and my first day of school. I remember the first day a child of mine went to school. After decades of reliance on my body as a tool to get me out of tricky situations, I am resigned to accept my age as a real number.
The doctor cites my age as a risk factor. My VO2 Max or Garmin Fitness age don't seem to matter to him. I can go on a five hour bike ride and come home and make dinner, but my fitness now has a fragility that it has not had before. Looking at the ceiling waiting for surgery I recall looking at the ceiling waiting to see the principal in elementary school. I was in trouble then and I'm in trouble now. At my age I don't feel helpless often, but I fear it may be a trend.
I watched my grandson Drew trying so hard and in him I saw my own son who both hated his older brother and wanted more than anything to be his older brother. Drew's older brother is like his dad and his dad's dad. How could I have been so cruel to my younger brother without giving it a thought?
After my mother was moved into her new apartment and bags and boxes were dropped at goodwill and the trash place and my daughter took what she could use, there were two large boxes of photographs and keepsakes that summed up my mom's life. Big photos of her parents and others born a hundred or more years ago. The results of a tennis tournament she played in fifty years ago. Photos of my mother as a young woman ready to take on the world. She asks me a question. Five minutes later she asks again. Two minutes after that she asks a third time. I smile and put my arm around her. She knows she has done something wrong, but doesn't know what it is. My assurance calms her. I am glad I can give her some peace.
We aren't all astronauts. I may have finally leaned patience. Everyone is doing the best they can. Whomever set up the process isn't the person standing in front of you so don't take it out on them. Smile and say, "Thank you." People don't hear that enough. It is my secret weapon. Oops, no longer a secret.
Hottie loves me. Ever since I was that kid on my way to school in 1965 I was hoping people would like me. I'm a dick and Hottie still loves me. I am a lucky man. I hear the Beach boys songs I heard as a kid. When I heard them I hoped someone would love me, she does. I know she is frustrated beyond words with injuries that we hope will be done soon. I'm feeling helpless again.
I am lucky. I get to see (maybe a little blurry right now) people I love and beautiful places. I get to do fun things. I find more joy in helping my mom or trying to make Hottie feel special than I ever thought I would. I find joy in watching Kona play in every way he can.
That is it for today.
